To All My Friends on Facebook: The Chinese Got Me

This morning I woke up early (3 a.m.) to finish up some work I had promised to finish two days ago (that’s about how far back I am in fulfilling my promises these days), and my computer screen featured an urgent message from my friend, Yossie, proud resident of a settlement east of Kfar Sabba, telling me my Facebook account has been sending out messages to all my friends, in praise of my new – Free!—iPad, which they, too, could receive if only they clicked on the enclosed URL.

Then I received another message, from my friend Jeff, proud resident of the Upper East Side, warning me that some Chinese virus was messing with my account, and that I should change my password, to make it more difficult to hack. I did that at once, because I listen to my friends, but then I realized that every single friend on my list has received an endorsement from me, on their wall, of the latest Steve Jobs enterprising effort, and that at least some of them were bound to think I had actually sent them this piece of crap.

So I spent the last half hour going diligently from one friend’s page to the next, deleting the message. That was the only way to guarantee that it won’t be there when they wake up, so they don’t think their friend is a total asshole, if they’re not already of this opinion.

It felt a little like sneaking into people’s homes early in the morning, to mop up the mess someone else had left, just so they wouldn’t blame me for it. The whole thing brings to mind again the question of why the heck do I need this bloody Facebook account. Most of the people on my friends list would only have known me as this asshole who posted an unabashed ad on their wall. Who needs the aggravation?

Anyway, I hope all of your living rooms are clean by now and that by the time you’re up you won’t notice a thing. And if you live in Israel, seven hours ahead of me, well, I’m sure just living in Israel would present enough interest to easily mask the after effects. Or dis-friend me, or un-friend me, or anti-friend me, or enemy me, what do I care.